When the Iowa Hawkeyes played Pitt, “God’s-Gift-To-Sports-Casting” Pam Ward eloquently stated that coach Kirk Ferentz only chews “Sugar Free Big League Chew” and he was down to his last 7 pieces. Although there are contradicting internet reports about exactly what brand of gum Kirk is chewing (anything from Double Bubble to Bubble Yum), I move that when the gum is gone so is coach Ferentz.

For starters, I was under the impression that Big League Chew came in a pouch of shredded gum, not actual pieces. If that is the case, we are long overdue for an insider to swap it out for a pouch of Red Man. Who wouldn’t love to see ‘ol Kirk’s incessant spitting while calling in plays in a chaw-stained white Hawkeye polo? The ensuing brown-toothed tirade scolding the equipment manager for the mistake would be the first sign of emotion we have seen from Ferentz in the last three years. I digress.

After last Saturdays game I would venture to say Hawkeye Football play calling has gone from boring and predictable to haphazard and nonsensical. Where is the middle ground? More importantly, what toll does it take on your players to loose three consecutive games by a coin-flip?

We have debatably the best team Hawkeye Football has seen in three years- possibly longer. Yet from the “Great QB Debate” to questionable-at-best play calling we find ourselves at 3-3. This has to be nothing short of demoralizing to a team of guys who could very easily be nationally ranked at 6-0. By most accounts Kirk Ferentz is a great guy, but at what point do we start holding him accountable for the performance of the last three seasons?

I keep getting asked how I think the Iowa Hawkeyes will fare this Saturday against Indiana. To be honest, I believe we will take out some aggression on the Hoosiers. My forum post puts my prediction at Iowa 34 Indiana 6. It is discouraging to know a 6 or 7 win season and an appearance in the Motor City Bowl will be enough to take Ferentz off the hot seat. Let’s make him accountable for the season. If he is staying, it is time to implement a new performance-based contract that makes his salary dependant on wins. Maybe having half-a-million dollars on the line will be enough to spark some emotion. Somehow I think that kind of cash will make the 3-point difference between winning and losing seem somewhat more important.

For now I will continue working on my script for my made-for-TV movie “Will Work for Sugar Free Big League Chew: The Kirk Ferentz Story.” After the horrifying Wolverine performance against Illinois, isn’t it about time for Ferentz to start shopping that Michigan job again? In the meantime, someone send that guy some gum… and toss in a muzzle for Pam Ward while you are at it!